Couple finds foster parenting rewarding
(Publisher’s note: During February, the Times-Courier will spotlight foster parenting in Gilmer County. This is the first of a series of articles.)
When Karin Shook’s 3-year-old son, Thomas, died in 1994, she was heartbroken. She married James Shook Jr. in 2012, but unfortunately, Karin could have no more children.
“We decided we wanted to have more kids,” she said during a recent interview. “His son is grown and has kids of his own … so we decided since we had two extra bedrooms, we were going to become foster parents. We’ve been fostering two years.”
Karin was asked about their decision to have foster children placed in their home.
“We did put a lot of thought into it,” she said. “We thought about it a year or so, because it does tie you down a lot … but we decided this was the route we were going to take.”
The couple went through foster parent training classes through the Department of Family and Children Services office that taught them what to expect with a placement, such as a child coming from a battered home life, neglect issues like not getting enough to eat, and even sexual abuse.
“The day we got approved, they brought me the little boy that I still have now,” she said of a 2-year-old who will turn 4 later this month.
“There’s a lot of drug (issues) that we have to deal with too,” she said, noting first aid and child CPR training are also requirements.
Karin worked a full-time job as supervisor over the company that cleans the Gilmer County Courthouse on a contract basis.
“But once I got into this, there was a lot of doctors’ appointments (and) behavioral appointments I had to take him to, and there was over a month where I wasn’t even at work,” she said of the sacrifice. “It got to be too much, so I just let the job go.”
There were other considerations — more foster kids — that figured into her decision, as well.
“I have five foster kids in my home — ages 12, an almost 4-year-old, a 20-month-old, a 3-week-old and a 2-month-old,” Karin detailed. “The 3-week-old and the second child (the two youngest) are biological brothers. All are boys except the 12-year-old.”
“I don’t get sleep,” she added with a laugh. “Sometimes the 2-month-old is worse than the newborn! So I’m doing (fostering) full time, staying at home with the ones that are not at school.”
Are she and James glad they took the plunge into fostering?
“Yes, it’s very rewarding,” she replied. “We get to bring these kids into our home and show them the love that they need and give them a stable home. (We get) to teach them the right way and not the wrong way — just being able to be there for them and spend time with them is rewarding.”
None of the foster children in their care are currently able to see their parents, Karin explained. She and James are seeking to adopt four of their foster kids, with two of them already in adoption proceedings.
Karin was asked if having foster children has helped in the healing process of losing her own child.
“In some way, yes,” she said. “But I raised (other family members’ children) also … I’ve always had to have kids around, and have been closely attached to them.
“During the day, after school, we’ll go to the park and play,” Karin said of everyday recreation. “We also stay in contact with other foster parents. We have a big yard, so they’re always out there playing. They love being outside; if it’s warm, they’re out there.”
On vacation, the family goes to Myrtle Beach, S.C. or Florida.
Do the kids call her mom?
“They do — it feels good,” Karin affirmed. “The 12-year-old is just getting to where she calls me mom. She had asked me if I cared if she called me mom. I told her that was up to her. She could call me whatever she wanted — by my name, mom, or make up a nickname or something for me. But she wanted to start calling me mom. I told her I’m not there to replace her mom, But I am there for her.
“I told her I’ll always be there for her — no matter what, even if she went back home. She’s just gotten really close and attached.”
Was the ‘mom’ question a breakthrough moment?
“It was for her, and for me it was like a sigh of relief that went over me,” Karin said. “She’s opened up a whole lot more, and I’ve always told her if there’s anything she needed to talk about or ask, that’s what I’m here for, no matter what time it is, even after bedtime. If she has something on her mind and needs to talk, all she has to do is knock on my door and say, ‘Hey, can you talk to me a little bit?’ And she knows I’ll be there for her.
“She’s a real good kid, and she needed a mom instead of a pal figure.”
(A Facebook page can be found at Gilmer County Foster Parent Support. For more information about foster parenting, call the Department of Family and Children Services at 706-635-2361.)